Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize