Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
