Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
