I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
