Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
