yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
