You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
