You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
