fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
