I have demons in me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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