Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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