I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
