Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize