i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
