Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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