Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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