Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
