my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
