dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
