respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Randomize
