piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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