I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
