How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
