okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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