Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
