Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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