My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
