Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
