Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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