not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
