i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i came on her dog
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
