if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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