My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
