She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
