I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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