the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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