You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
