Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
