This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
It was like getting head from an anaconda
As shirtless as possible
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
