I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
