I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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