I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
