Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
