i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
