She is in my trunk
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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