Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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