i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
