..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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