You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
