Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
