Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
