Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
