that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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