I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
is wine microwaveable?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
