Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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