Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize