Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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