I accidentally had phone sex last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
