I skipped work to stalk him.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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