Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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