i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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