i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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