p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
