How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
