My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
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