dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
