While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
