apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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