Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
